John T. Willis

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Laugh Break

The last few days have been challenging, to say the least--right? SO, how about a little break with a few jokes?

A guy drives into a ditch, but luckily, a farmer is there to help. He hitches his horse, Buddy, up to the car and yells, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy doesn't budge. "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer says, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse drags the car out of the ditch. Curious, the motorist asks the farmer why he kept calling his horse by the wrong name. "Buddy's blind," said the farmer. "And if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try."

Fresh out of gifts, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she lets him have it. "What are you complaining about?" he fires back. "You still haven't used the present I gave you last year."

Question: How was copper wire invented? Answer: Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. "Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth." Or, "I've got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth."

Louie was shipwrecked and lived alone on a desert island for years until he was finally rescued. Before leaving the island, he gave the rescue party a tour. "I built myself a house. That's it there. Here's the barn, and over here is the church I worshipped in." "What's that building over there?" one of the rescuers asked. Louis sneered. "That's the church I used to belong to."

Max the little camel walks into his parents' room at 3 a. m. and asks for a glass of water. "Another one?" says his father. "That's the second glass this month."

Other people's tattoos are like other people's children: Only you can see how bad they are.

What's the oddest thing about belonging to a support group for hypochondriacs? Every member calls in sick, but they all show up for the meeting.

The Last Facebook Status Update:
Frank Ferri . . . is standing over a patient in the operating room, scalpel in hand, wishing he hadn't lied on his resume about being a surgrous. Here goes
nothing . . .
Frank Ferri . . . is in a marriage-counseling session with his wife, wondering what the score of the football game is. Go, Eagles!
Frank Ferri . . . thinks that if his boss doesn't like him sleeping on the floor ofo the office, then his boss shouldn't have gotten such comfy carpets.
Frank Ferri . . . needs help robbing he bank over on the corner of Main and Willow. Any takers? Be there around noonish.

A few choise quips from the books of the British humorist P. G. Wodehouse's 128th birthday:
"He looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.'"
"Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
"She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel."

I hope YOU enjoyed as least some of these jokes. Share YOUR jokes with others. Let me hear from YOU.

John Willis


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